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Previous Message From Virtual Church

Even Steven At The Jingo Jango

Even Steven is the most powerful person in the world, so it is said on the street. The weird part is that Even Steven does not look powerful. He stands about four feet eight inches tall. He’s round. He wears dark rimmed glasses and he is bald. However, the word on the street is that whatever Steven wants he gets. The word is that Steven can bring down a foreign country with a phone call. Steven works out of the Jingo Jango Café. The Jingo Jango is the hangout of people you don’t want to meet anywhere. The people at the Jingo Jango are the roughest of the rough and the badest of the bad if you know what I mean. When someone wants a job done, they go see Even Steven. They call him Even Steven because that is what Steven wants to be called. Some of the old guys who knew Steven in the old days say Steven always took care of business, especially the business of getting even. That’s why they call him Even Steven.

Now in the Jingo Jango there is a back room. The back room is where all the business gets done. You know, like if someone wants somebody taken care of, you go see Steven, you tell Steven you need to go talk to him in the back room, and then you and Steven go into the back room and whatever you need gets taken care of so to speak.

Even Steven is so powerful, people will sing and dance for the guy even when the people who sing and dance can’t sing and don’t dance. People always sing and dance for Steven even people who don’t want to sing and dance but they sing and dance anyway because Steven says to sing and dance. Let’s just say, every night is karaoke night at the Jingo Jango.

Now along the wall of the Jingo Jango is an aisle that runs all the way from the back room out to the front door. This aisle is called the runway. No one is allowed to be in that aisle because that is where people run out of the back room and on out to the street. See, when people get their business taken care of by Even Steven, most people run away. Most people run out of the back room like they are scared to death. People run away kinda moaning and groaning, their faces are white as a sheet, their eyes are buggin' out and they are running as fast as they can run down the runway and out onto the street. Now when someone gets their business taken care of by Even Steven and they run away, the person who runs away kinda makes themselves disappear for a long, long time. Rumor has it that Even Steven is so bad that when people go into the back room they get so scared they run away and hide for the rest of their life. Rumor has it a lot of these people who run away scared to death get religion after they calm down and come back to their senses.

To do business with Even Steven you gotta show the money first. To do business you gotta flash the cash in a plain envelope. Even Steven calls the money a “donation to the cause”. To get Even Steven to get your deal going and to get even what you want gotten even, you gotta show the 100 grand. Yeah, that’s right. One hundred thousand dollars to take care of your business. You better be serious because even if Steven turns you down, he keeps the money or you leave the money because whatever Steven does in the back room makes you forget about the money. Normally, people who go into the back room get so bent out of shape by asking Steven to take of their business they don’t care about the money. Sounds weird but that is the way it works at the Jingo Jango. About once a month, or maybe a little more often, Even Steven gets a new client as Even calls’em. Once a month or little more often someone comes in, asks for Even Steven, flashes Even Steven the money, and they go into the back room. In about twenty minutes or so, normally “the client” looks like he is running for his life as he goes running out of the Jingo Jango. Once in awhile a client passes out in the back room and they call 911 to come and get’em. Once in awhile, maybe once a year, someone has a heart attack and dies in the back room. Like I said, you gotta be really serious about getting even if you deal with Even Steven. And every time somebody goes into the back room and runs away, Even Steven gets on the PA system and says “Revenge is mine saith the Lord”. Nobody can figure it out but that is what Even Steven does.

Anyways, there are all kinds a rumors about the back room. On good authority I got it from Willie The Worm that in the back room is some kinda weird viewer or something. Willie use to do cleanup at the Jingo Jango and he says he saw this viewer in the back room. Willie says it is not a TV and not a movie screen. It is some kinda viewer you sit in like one of those round telephone booths at the airport. Willie says people sit in this viewer and they get to see what getting even is all about. Willie says he doesn’t think Even Steven ever got even with anybody because people are so out of their minds after sitting in the viewer they don’t care about getting even any more.

Now what I am going to tell you now must not go anywheres cause all the bad dudes would be very upset if I told. The real reason all these bad dudes hang out at the Jingo Jango is for Happy Hour. No, I ain’t talkin about no booze thing cause they serve no booze at the Jingo Jango. All they serve is coffee, tea, and soft drinks. In fact, so many bad dudes hang out at the Jingo Jango the Feds got undercover guys dressed up as homeless guys layin’ around on the sidewalks out in front of the place. Happy Hour doesn’t happen very often, maybe once a year. And none of these bad dudes would ever tell ya they come in for Happy Hour but that is why they hang out here. Happy Hour is when a client goes into the back room and instead of running away scared to death comes out of the back room lit up with a happy light. You have to be here to see it but once in awhile,  a client comes out of the back room and they give off a light of some kind. And the light the client gives off rubs off on people. And all these bad dudes, the worst of the worst, get to actin’ like they were little kids on a playground and they start playin’ kid’s games on the floor and actin’ like they are losin’ their minds in happiness. It is the weirdest thing you ever saw and ain’t nobody gonna talk about it. Fact is, the word gets out if somebody goes into the back room and then everybody stands along the aisle on the side of the place to see if the guy coming out of the back room is gonna run away scared to death or if the guy is gonna come out of the back room with a happy light. Sure would be nice if somebody could find a way to make Happy Hour happen all the time.

Mark 11:25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." (NIV)

Luke 11:4 Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.' " (NIV)

Luke 17:4 If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." (NIV)

This story is fiction. All resemblance to persons living or dead is a coincidence.

This story first appeared in January 2005, in the Virtual  Church web site at http://www.findthepower.com

 

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Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (RSV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Copyright © 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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Shepherd's Care Ministries author and webmaster, Rev. Patrick Kelly, is affiliated through ministerial ordination with Church of God Ministries, Anderson IN 46018