Discussion With A Wounded Heart
The identities of the two parties in the
following discussion are being hidden.
Mentor: Yesterday, in a discussion, you indicated that you had never
been loved. I know it is painful for you to discuss, but to help others,
can you speak about this with me?
Wounded Heart: Yes, but I would prefer not too. I am doing this only
to help others and maybe to gain insight for myself. I said yesterday
that I had never been loved. What I really mean is that I never felt
loved. I was and am so busy just trying to cope with my life and with
what goes on, I never felt anyone loved me.
Mentor: What about your parents when you were growing up?
Wounded Heart: I am sure they loved me in their own way. I know
intellectually, in my mind, they loved me. I was just so full of pain,
fear, anxiety, and all the other negative emotions when I was a child, I
did not have any way to be open to them. There were a few times at
church I felt the love of God but only a few times. I can look back with
fondness on parts of my childhood, but most of that time was full of
recriminating shame and embarrassment. I was ashamed most of the time,
but no one knew how I felt. I could never let anyone really know. By
keeping everyone out of what was really going on inside of me, I also
probably kept out the love that was around me.
Mentor: What about your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other
extended family members?
Wounded Heart: I know they loved me but I could not receive it. We
just did not touch each other in that way. They were affectionate
enough, I just could not let myself be touched.
Mentor: What is it like for you now?
Wounded Heart: To really be honest, things have not changed that
much. I want things to change. I know they can change. But I have lived
my whole life behind this wall and to come out now would take everything
I have and at this point, I have very little left in me. What kept me
going when I was younger is that I always had hope for the future. Now
the hope is just about gone.
Mentor: Do you understand anything about the love of God through
Wounded Heart: Yes, I understand all that on an intellectual level. I
have very little direct experience with God. God and I relate mostly on
the basis of ideas rather than direct contact. I know it is a spiritual
thing. I want to grow toward God but right now everything is pretty much
on dead center with a lot of emphasis on dead. Every day I live, I
wonder why. I wonder why God put me here if He was going to just leave
me here and let me dangle in the pain.
Mentor: Do you carry sadness?
Wounded Heart: Yes, I do carry sadness for I have lived so long with
no real joy or happiness. Every minute is drudgery for me. I do not know
what to do or how to do it as far as God is concerned.
Mentor: Have you tried letting God in? Have you tried to open your
heart up to God. I know for a fact that He understands where you are at
Wounded Heart: Sometimes I do try. Yesterday I made contact with God
and He sort of communicated to me that He was trying to push the hurt in
my heart out of me. Sort of like applying a force to the darkness
inside. I know I need to open up to that force He is putting on me but
opening up is so difficult to do.
Mentor: Yes, but opening up is the way to let Him into your life. No
matter what kind of pain you suffer, God is always trying to get into
your heart. God will mend your heart. God will fix your heart. God can
take all the painful yesterdays and turn them into hope-filled today's
and tomorrows. Can you go back to a time when other people might have
Wounded Heart: Yes, I can remember those times. I can remember the
times when I could even almost feel the love but never quite get there.
Mentor: You are not alone. Millions upon millions of people grow up
and live out their lives and never feel loved. What is good is that at
least you can address this issue. What is good is that you know about
not feeling loved. Once you have opened your heart up to this
circumstance, then God can come in and start working. One of the
important things you need to do is to start thinking about Jesus being
next to you. When you think about Him being next to you then you begin
to get a larger sense of His presence in your life. It is God's will
that you know and feel His love for you. It is not God's will that your
life be dry and barren. Christ came to earth to tell every man, woman,
and child that God loves them. Jesus died on the Cross to show you that
He loves you. People cope with pain in various ways in their life. How
did you cope with yours?
Wounded Heart: I kept busy. I kept busy intellectually and
physically. For a time, I would lose myself in music. But most of the
time, I kept myself going by pursuing a future goal. As long as I kept
busy, I did not need to confront the pain of not being loved.
Mentor: Do you understand that God touches you at this moment?
Wounded Heart: Yes, I understand He is touching me, I just don't
Mentor: What do you think might happen if you sensed it?
Wounded Heart: I think I would crumble as a person. I think I would
not exist any more.
Mentor: You are right but only half-right. If you let Christ touch
your heart, your old hurting heart would not exist any more for it would
be changed so dramatically the old heart would be new. This is why we
speak about being born again in the church so much. When we fully accept
Christ touching our hearts, the old heart goes away. You would still
exist but you would not exist as you did before.
Wounded Heart: I am too far gone. There is no use me trying to undo
or redo anything. I hurt so much now that nothing can take the pain
Mentor: I want to share something with you that will seem like I am
piling hurt on top of hurt. What I am going to tell you is the truth.
Sometimes the truth hurts but the hurt of the truth can lead you
straight to the heart of God. Here is, perhaps, the hurtful truth. The
truth is that your not being loved has been mostly your own doing.
Closing yourself off was your response to the pain. Closing yourself off
was your response to the suffering. Closing yourself off was your
response to circumstances in your life. Yes, there was pain but how you
responded to the pain was your doing. What I am trying to tell you is
that what was your doing in the past, can be your doing now and in the
future. Because your not being loved was not the doing so much of others
but of yourself, you can change it. You can change the fact you were not
loved. When you come to Christ, Christ wants change. None of us wants
change until we hurt so bad we cannot stand it anymore. But Christ wants
change. Christ wants you to turn away from not being loved. Christ wants
you to turn away from the self-inflicted isolation. Christ wants you to
grow away from running away. Christ wants a new and loved person to grow
up out of you. The power of God changes you and that power can even
change your perspective on your life and your past.
Wounded Heart: Are you saying I have been loved but I did not know
Mentor: Yes. That is it exactly. You have always been loved by at
least one person in this world. That one person is Jesus Christ. He
loved you before you were born and He has loved you every day since
then. He has surrounded you and embraced you and carried you every day
of your life. Your pain in the past crowded out His love and your
present pain may try to crowd out His presence even more. However, no
pain can totally crowd out the love of Christ. Once you open your heart
a little and you let a little of His love into your heart, that little
bit starts growing and growing.
Wounded Heart: I was selfish wasn't I?
Mentor: Yes, you were selfish. You did not mean to be selfish but
that is what long term hurt does to people. Long term hurt makes people
Wounded Heart: What do I do?
Mentor: Turn away from being selfish. Even in pain, you can turn away
from being selfish. Pray this prayer: Precious Jesus, friend of mine.
Precious Jesus, you who have carried me all my life. Please forgive me
for being selfish. Please forgive me for thinking of myself before I
thought of you. Please keep carrying me for I cannot walk alone. Please
walk with me for I need you every hour. Amen.
Wounded Heart: Precious Jesus, friend of mine. Precious Jesus, you
who have carried me all my life. Please forgive me for being selfish.
Please forgive me for thinking of myself before I thought of you. Please
keep carrying me for I cannot walk alone. Please walk with me for I need
you every hour. Amen.
Mentor: Is He there?
Wounded Heart: Yes, He is there. I still hurt but He is there. I can
see past things now. I remember when I was a kid in Sunday school and I
can remember the sun coming in the windows on Sunday morning. It is like
I have gone back there. Yes, He is with me. I can feel His touch.