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Previous Message From Virtual Church

Discussion With A Wounded Heart

The identities of the two parties in the following discussion are being hidden.

Mentor: Yesterday, in a discussion, you indicated that you had never been loved. I know it is painful for you to discuss, but to help others, can you speak about this with me?

Wounded Heart: Yes, but I would prefer not too. I am doing this only to help others and maybe to gain insight for myself. I said yesterday that I had never been loved. What I really mean is that I never felt loved. I was and am so busy just trying to cope with my life and with what goes on, I never felt anyone loved me.

Mentor: What about your parents when you were growing up?

Wounded Heart: I am sure they loved me in their own way. I know intellectually, in my mind, they loved me. I was just so full of pain, fear, anxiety, and all the other negative emotions when I was a child, I did not have any way to be open to them. There were a few times at church I felt the love of God but only a few times. I can look back with fondness on parts of my childhood, but most of that time was full of recriminating shame and embarrassment. I was ashamed most of the time, but no one knew how I felt. I could never let anyone really know. By keeping everyone out of what was really going on inside of me, I also probably kept out the love that was around me.

Mentor: What about your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other extended family members?

Wounded Heart: I know they loved me but I could not receive it. We just did not touch each other in that way. They were affectionate enough, I just could not let myself be touched.

Mentor: What is it like for you now?

Wounded Heart: To really be honest, things have not changed that much. I want things to change. I know they can change. But I have lived my whole life behind this wall and to come out now would take everything I have and at this point, I have very little left in me. What kept me going when I was younger is that I always had hope for the future. Now the hope is just about gone.

Mentor: Do you understand anything about the love of God through Christ?

Wounded Heart: Yes, I understand all that on an intellectual level. I have very little direct experience with God. God and I relate mostly on the basis of ideas rather than direct contact. I know it is a spiritual thing. I want to grow toward God but right now everything is pretty much on dead center with a lot of emphasis on dead. Every day I live, I wonder why. I wonder why God put me here if He was going to just leave me here and let me dangle in the pain.

Mentor: Do you carry sadness?

Wounded Heart: Yes, I do carry sadness for I have lived so long with no real joy or happiness. Every minute is drudgery for me. I do not know what to do or how to do it as far as God is concerned.

Mentor: Have you tried letting God in? Have you tried to open your heart up to God. I know for a fact that He understands where you are at this moment.

Wounded Heart: Sometimes I do try. Yesterday I made contact with God and He sort of communicated to me that He was trying to push the hurt in my heart out of me. Sort of like applying a force to the darkness inside. I know I need to open up to that force He is putting on me but opening up is so difficult to do.

Mentor: Yes, but opening up is the way to let Him into your life. No matter what kind of pain you suffer, God is always trying to get into your heart. God will mend your heart. God will fix your heart. God can take all the painful yesterdays and turn them into hope-filled today's and tomorrows. Can you go back to a time when other people might have loved you?

Wounded Heart: Yes, I can remember those times. I can remember the times when I could even almost feel the love but never quite get there.

Mentor: You are not alone. Millions upon millions of people grow up and live out their lives and never feel loved. What is good is that at least you can address this issue. What is good is that you know about not feeling loved. Once you have opened your heart up to this circumstance, then God can come in and start working. One of the important things you need to do is to start thinking about Jesus being next to you. When you think about Him being next to you then you begin to get a larger sense of His presence in your life. It is God's will that you know and feel His love for you. It is not God's will that your life be dry and barren. Christ came to earth to tell every man, woman, and child that God loves them. Jesus died on the Cross to show you that He loves you. People cope with pain in various ways in their life. How did you cope with yours?

Wounded Heart: I kept busy. I kept busy intellectually and physically. For a time, I would lose myself in music. But most of the time, I kept myself going by pursuing a future goal. As long as I kept busy, I did not need to confront the pain of not being loved.

Mentor: Do you understand that God touches you at this moment?

Wounded Heart: Yes, I understand He is touching me, I just don't sense it.

Mentor: What do you think might happen if you sensed it?

Wounded Heart: I think I would crumble as a person. I think I would not exist any more.

Mentor: You are right but only half-right. If you let Christ touch your heart, your old hurting heart would not exist any more for it would be changed so dramatically the old heart would be new. This is why we speak about being born again in the church so much. When we fully accept Christ touching our hearts, the old heart goes away. You would still exist but you would not exist as you did before.

Wounded Heart: I am too far gone. There is no use me trying to undo or redo anything. I hurt so much now that nothing can take the pain away.

Mentor: I want to share something with you that will seem like I am piling hurt on top of hurt. What I am going to tell you is the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts but the hurt of the truth can lead you straight to the heart of God. Here is, perhaps, the hurtful truth. The truth is that your not being loved has been mostly your own doing. Closing yourself off was your response to the pain. Closing yourself off was your response to the suffering. Closing yourself off was your response to circumstances in your life. Yes, there was pain but how you responded to the pain was your doing. What I am trying to tell you is that what was your doing in the past, can be your doing now and in the future. Because your not being loved was not the doing so much of others but of yourself, you can change it. You can change the fact you were not loved. When you come to Christ, Christ wants change. None of us wants change until we hurt so bad we cannot stand it anymore. But Christ wants change. Christ wants you to turn away from not being loved. Christ wants you to turn away from the self-inflicted isolation. Christ wants you to grow away from running away. Christ wants a new and loved person to grow up out of you. The power of God changes you and that power can even change your perspective on your life and your past.

Wounded Heart: Are you saying I have been loved but I did not know it?

Mentor: Yes. That is it exactly. You have always been loved by at least one person in this world. That one person is Jesus Christ. He loved you before you were born and He has loved you every day since then. He has surrounded you and embraced you and carried you every day of your life. Your pain in the past crowded out His love and your present pain may try to crowd out His presence even more. However, no pain can totally crowd out the love of Christ. Once you open your heart a little and you let a little of His love into your heart, that little bit starts growing and growing.

Wounded Heart: I was selfish wasn't I?

Mentor: Yes, you were selfish. You did not mean to be selfish but that is what long term hurt does to people. Long term hurt makes people very selfish.

Wounded Heart: What do I do?

Mentor: Turn away from being selfish. Even in pain, you can turn away from being selfish. Pray this prayer: Precious Jesus, friend of mine. Precious Jesus, you who have carried me all my life. Please forgive me for being selfish. Please forgive me for thinking of myself before I thought of you. Please keep carrying me for I cannot walk alone. Please walk with me for I need you every hour. Amen.

Wounded Heart: Precious Jesus, friend of mine. Precious Jesus, you who have carried me all my life. Please forgive me for being selfish. Please forgive me for thinking of myself before I thought of you. Please keep carrying me for I cannot walk alone. Please walk with me for I need you every hour. Amen.

Mentor: Is He there?

Wounded Heart: Yes, He is there. I still hurt but He is there. I can see past things now. I remember when I was a kid in Sunday school and I can remember the sun coming in the windows on Sunday morning. It is like I have gone back there. Yes, He is with me. I can feel His touch.

 

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Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

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