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Topic: CHURCH BLOOPERS

These had me laughing uncontrollably. If you're having a blase day, these
will certainly help!!! Love, Donna NEW Church Bloopers...

1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be
recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

2. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

3. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next
Sunday morning.

4. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.

5. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir
will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

6. A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
community.

8. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.

9. Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

10. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of
David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.

11. Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving
milk will please come early.

12. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

13. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

14. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.

15. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

16. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are
preparing for the girth of their first child.

17. The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes,
green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

18. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

19. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

20. Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

21. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery downstairs.

22. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.

23. The service will close with Little Drops of Water. One of the ladies
will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

24. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

25. The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
sinning to join the choir.

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Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (RSV) are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, Revised Standard Version of the Bible, Copyright © 1952 [2nd edition, 1971] by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.


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Shepherd's Care Ministries author and webmaster, Rev. Patrick Kelly, is affiliated through ministerial ordination with Church of God Ministries, Anderson IN 46018